Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A Little Break

Hey guys!  I'm going on away for a minute. I'm looking for a new job and just think it's best.  Don't you worry though, I stock pile posts because I am sure great things will be happening (including that awesome little guy who is regularly belly laughing these days).

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Hanging Chad

OK, who wasn't sick of hearing about those damn "hanging chads" a few years ago?  I know I was.  Don't worry, this isn't going to be a political post or anything like that.  What this is; however, is a post about me and who I am today.

Growing up and in high school, I had a very cavalier, screw you, attitude.  I was confident and strong and not afraid to take on anyone or anything.  Ya, I had my problems (and plenty of them), but I was ready to take on the world.  Then I went to college and met him.

I dated a him off and on for three years and he broke me.  Have you ever heard the song "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles?  The lyrics say "You loved me cause I'm fragile when I thought I was strong. But you touch me for a little while, and all my fragile strength is gone."  And that is how it was.  I was strong when I was away from him, but he was always just around the corner to bring my back down.  At first, I was so in love with him, and then I was afraid to be without him, and then it got to the point where I didn't think I was worthy of anyone else but did want to be alone.



I was with him until the day before I met B.  That was the day that I found another girl's things in his apartment.  I broke that day.  Shattered.  I realized that I was not the person I wanted to be and that I needed to be me and that I needed to be away from him, forever.

A lot of that changed when I met B.  He came in and was like some super glue putting me back together.  He knew all of the baggage that I carried.  He knew all of my trust issues and fears and still decided that he wanted to be with me and keep me and help me with all of my issues.

That was 5.5 years ago and some days I still have moments.  That's when I feel like the hanging chad.  I feel like I am so strong and happy and then I have a day and I feel like all of me is put back together except for the hanging chad.  I admit that I am a jealous person.  Umm, have you seen B?  You'd be jealous too.  I look at that man and all of the wonderful things that he is and does and I can't help but think that someone wouldn't want to be with him.  I hate that I sometimes feel like he has some pull over me, but he changed me and I hate him for that.  But I love B for always having patience with me and putting up with all of my crazy and all of my "chad" days.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

4 Months Old

Baby boy, where did the time go?  You are just the light of Mama and Daddy's lives.  Every day you do something new that makes us smile and we just love you so much.  We've had a couple of bumps in the road in the last month, but they are nothing out of the norm.  We love you so much!


BABY STATS
Sleep:  You are still going to sleep between 7:30 and 8:00 and getting up around 6:30 or 7:00.  You are still getting up about twice a night and we were working with you on getting to sleep on your own after you wake up.  However, you are sick again (just a little cold this time) so I'm back to kind of comforting you when you need/want it.  The "sleep training" (for lack of a better term) will resume after you feel better.  Also, you're teething and Dr. Le told us that we may just be stuck with night wakings for a little while.

Routine:  Nothing has really changed.  You've started going to daycare again (even though Mama doesn't have a job yet we didn't want to lose our spot for when I go do back to work), and you're having a little trouble adjusting again, but you're starting to like it (we had a short week last week after you got sick).  Still eating every 2.5-3 hours and taking 2-3 naps per day.  We bathe you every other day and you absolutely LOVE bath time.

Feed: You LOVE your food.  LOVE LOVE LOVE!  You eat every 2.5-3 hours and boy you are efficient.  You have started fighting the bottle lately and we are NOT happy about that, but we're working on it. 

Weight:  You weighed 6 lb 15 oz when you were born. Now you are 20 pounds! You are the size of some year old babies.  You are wearing 6-9 month clothes, and some 3-6 (particularly in pants and a few onesies).  Sweetheart, you are off the charts in your weight.

Length: When you were born, you were 19.5 inches. Now you are probably close to 26.25 inches.  That is the 83%.  You're a giant baby!

Diaper Size: We are in size 3s and starting to fill them out. 

Clothes Size:  You are wearing 6-9 month clothes and some 3-6 (only a couple onesies and a few pairs of pants).

Hair Color:  Your hair changes color depending on the light.  Sometimes it's very blonde, sometimes it's light brown and sometimes it looks a little red.  Your mullet is still going strong and dark.
Eye Color:  As your jealous daddy says, you have "hideous" blue eyes.  He's just bitter that your eyes aren't brown.  From the moment I knew you were coming, I knew we'd have a beautiful blue eyed baby. 

Funniest Moment:  You gave us your first belly laughs and oh they just melted Mama's heart.    

Favorite Toy:  Grandma and Granddaddy Phillips got you a Jumperoo for Christmas and oh you love to just "bounce bounce bounce."   

Firsts: CHRISTMAS - we had so much fun with you, Sitting up (not for long, but definitely doing it), Trip to St. Louis - met your first dog, hung out with Nana and Grandpa and met some of Mama's friends, Being in the stroller without the infant carrier - you weren't such a fan, First indication that you're teething because you definitely are.

We love you so much sweetheart.  Thank you for being the most wonderful thing in Mama and Daddy's lives.  You are so precious and never fail to bring a smile to our faces.  Love you!






Friday, January 13, 2012

Something I don't really talk about

**Ok, before I get into this, I have to mention that I am watching It's A Brad, Brad World and B just keeps giggling under his breath and just marveling at how "flamboyant" Brad and Gary are.**

OK, so here's what this is supposed to be about.  There has been a major change in my life in the last year.  It may seem like no big deal to some, but it was a big deal to me.  I was born and raised Catholic and B was born and raised Lutheran.  Now, that probably doesn't seem like a big difference to many, but it caused a pretty big divide in our family.  B wouldn't go to Church with me and didn't go on his own for the longest time.  I would go to Mass by myself and then end up mad when I would see other couples together and me alone.  I would come home and be inexplicably angry with him until the next day.  Needless to say, no one was happy on Sundays. 

Finally, one Sunday, I realized that what was bothering me is that we managed to be totally on the same page with everything in our marriage, except religion and it seemed to be pushing us apart.  So, I made a decision, we would go to each other's churches together and alternate.  And that was the plan.  Then we realized we did not want to continue to do this after we had kids.  He was pretty adamant that he Catholicism was not for him and I knew nothing different.  So I made him a deal, we could go to the Lutheran church for a few weeks and I can see if I miss Mass/am not getting enough out of Lutheran service.  Then, I got pregnant and everything got sped up.

Weeks turned into months and I hadn't gone to Mass.  All the while, my belly was getting bigger and bigger and I literally felt like a ticking time bomb before I had to make a decision.  I started meeting with the pastor and tried to figure things out.  Well, B went out of town for a buddy's bachelor party and I went to Mass.  I sat there feeling out of place and uncertain.  I felt as though I had no home.  I was lost and I needed direction.  It was hard for me to talk to B about all of this because he didn't seem to know what I was going through.  It was hard for me to talk to anyone about it because, in my heart, I was conflicted.  I was conflicted between my old and new families.  I was afraid to tell my family what I already knew, I was no longer going to attend Mass, but start going to the Lutheran Church with B.  One of my greatest childhood memories is of going to Midnight Mass with my Nana.  She was one of the most important people in my life and, for some reason, I felt like I was letting her down.  I felt like I was letting everyone in my family down. 

Eventually I told my mom my decision and she was ok with it.  Was she happy? No.  Did she feel as though she had failed somehow? Yes.  Did I feel as though I had let my family down? Yes.  Did I know that I was doing what was best for my family (Me, B and LB)? Yes.  And that was what mattered. 

So, the WHOLE point of all of this is that I learned that God never steers me wrong.  My life has always gone better when I am well connected to Him.  I am able to focus on what I know is the right path in my life.  I am again at a crossroads in my life, I am looking for a job and trusting that God will lead me in the right direction. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

So What Wednesday

Oh Shannon, I love this post and haven't done it for so long.  So What If:


  1. I watch Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 even if I don't approve of any of their antics.  
  2. I can't stop thinking about how much I want a job.  I love spending time with LB, but like working.
  3. It takes me a full week to do the laundry because I get lazy.
  4. I am ridiculously excited for The Challenge: Battle of the Exes.
  5. We still have our tree up.  Don't give me the side eye. Some of you all put your trees up in like August ;)
  6. I'm thinking about doing a Fitness Friday and making it a link up, anyone interested?
  7. I'm still tired even though LB has slept from 7:30-4:40 the past two nights, which allowed me to sleep from 9:30/10:00-4:40. 
  8. My child is a giant - 19 lb 10 oz and 26 inches.  He's bigger than some year old babies, but healthy and happy and wonderful :)
  9. Chelsea from TM2 should not have blonde hair, she just shouldn't.
  10. I still have a DVR full of stuff - some of which is ridiculous - but I stopped recording the Kardashians and that makes B happy.
  11. I just realized that my 10 year high school reunion is next year.  B wants to me to be pregnant again at that time, but I want to be able to drink.  Maybe AFTER the reunion we can try lol.
  12. I have 3 half eaten cupcakes in my car.  They were all dry - ICK!
  13. I'm considering going to get another massage (had one on Monday) because the muscles around my shoulder blade really hurts after being so tight and then manipulated and worked out.
  14. I didn't want to end on #13.
Now go link up with Shannon :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Just Call Me Lassie

So, I've never owned nor even been around collies, but I suspect that they probably shed a lot.  Like a LOT a LOT.  Well, you may as well call me Lassie because my hair is falling out and out and out and out.  No, I'm not going bald, I just don't have the hair keeping in hormones going anymore.  I have a serious attachment to my hair.  I love it and seeing it fall out freaks me out.  I seriously have to clean out the shower drain like 2-3 times a shower.  And my brushes, don't even get me started.  TMI?  I don't care.  My poor, poor hair.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Not here, but there

Have you checked out Ms. Nicole over at Table For Four?  If not you should go over and see the sweet mama of two precious little guys.  Oh and while you're there, check out the guest post she asked me to do on "What I've Learned Being A New Mom." 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Some of my favorite things

  • Urban Decay's Naked palettes - I will splurge on makeup.  I love love love UD's eye shadows and the Naked palettes are the best.  I bought the Naked palette almost immediately after it came out and loved it.  Then they came out with the Naked2 palette in November 2011 and I had to have that too.  Naked palette has really gold colors and Naked2 has more taupe colors (and a kick ass matte, non-glittery black).  If you're looking for some great neutrals, go for one of these.  They are the best!

  • Blow - No, not what you're thinking.  Blow is a great haircare line.  The products are sulfate and paraben free and do wonders at volumizing.  I have a lot of hair, but my strands are pretty thing which tends to mean that my hair doesn't do much besides lay flat on my head.  SUCKS!  Blow's products are great and, while more expensive than drug store, not too terribly expensive.
Mousse not pictured

  • Clarisonic - I LOVE my Clarisonic.   I have serious problem skin.  I believe that I have used just about every single acne treatment out there and nothing works better to keep my skin clean and smooth than a little benzoyl peroxide face wash and my Clarisonic.  It makes my skin so smooth and is the best exfoliate ever. The best part of it is that it tells me how long to wash my face and when to move to a different part of my face (it beeps and then you move it).  I got mine for Christmas last year and it was really a great (totally requested) gift.  If you don't have one, just let me say, it is worth the money.
  •  Holiday Groceries - I have a confession, I am a holiday grocery hoarder.  I love the holiday goods. My fridge is stocked with creamers.  I have a ton of pumpkin bread kits and a pumpkin bagels.  Fail!
  • Jumperoo - B loves the shit out of this thing.  He will bounce in it for so long and he just laughs and squeals and bounce, bounce, bounces.  What's awesome is that he can stay in there and I can then go make some lunch or fold some clothes or just breathe for a second.  It's awesome.
  • Maybelline Dark Circle Eraser - This. Shit. Rocks.  LB is teething.  LB is not sleeping at night. Mama is not sleeping at night.  Mama has some killer dark circles.  Mama needs to get the circles covered.  This shit does the job.  It is nice and smooth and covers and rocks my world.
  • Origins Vita Zing and GinZing - Along that same line of the above, this stuff is great.  The eye cream (ginzing) really brightens and moisturizes while the Vita Zing acts kind of like a tinted moisturizer (only it doesn't have a specific tint) and evens out my skin.  I've started wearing the moisturizer in lieu of foundation most days.  It is all especially helpful in the horrible way my skin looks these days.

    Wednesday, January 4, 2012

    Scatterbrained

    So I've been wanting to do a few posts on a few things, but none of them ever really seemed to merit its own post. So, please just bear with the randomness of what is about to happen as I dump my brain.
    • Being home with LB has reminded me of a lot for thing.  For example: I really freakin love Will and Grace.  When I was in undergrad, my roomie, Aubrey, and I would stay up all night watching Will and Grace reruns. We could watch like 3 hours of Will and Grace a night (I think 3 channels had hour blocks).  Since I've been home with LB, I've started watching W&G again and it makes my life so great.  As an added bonus, I just saw on the screen that Dance Moms starts again on Tuesday.  Anyone else love this show?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

    Bitches be crazy

    • In other reality tv news, while watching Teen Mom 2 this morning, I saw a preview for the new season of The Challenge. B and I love this show and when I saw the preview I almost peed myself with excitement.  BATTLE OF THE EXES!!!  Hello!  We're talking CT and Diem (bitch has a rocking body and great hair - color me jealous), Abram and Cara Maria (crazy+crazy), Mark and Robin (she's even more unstable now than she was in the past-plus I thought Mark "retired"), and many more!  I also realize as I am looking at the cast list that the term "exes" is being used very loosely.  While there are some on there who were legit couples (I really thought CT and Diem were meant for each other), most seem like hookups.  Also, I'm totally bummed that Kenny and Johanna and Danny and Melinda aren't on there.  I guess Johanna is rolling in it after her Claritin commercial (she's totes Claritin Clear) and I guess it would be bad taste to have an actual divorced couple.  Whatevs.
    • My kid makes noises in his sleep.  Like he whines in his sleep and makes noises like he's crying/starting to wake.  It's really annoying at night because it will wake me and he'll do it for a solid couple of minutes before he stops.  This sucks because he does the same thing when he is legit waking up.  So, especially at 2 am, I sometimes go check on him and probably end up exacerbating the situation by actually waking him up more.  MOM FAIL!
    • I went to the dentist this morning.  I specifically did not have any coffee before I went so that I wouldn't have coffee breath and it just didn't seem like the right thing to do before going to the dentist.  So, I get to the dentist and then the receptionist says "Miss Suzanne, we have fresh coffee there if you would like some."  Now, is it just me, or do it not seem to make sense that the dentist would give you coffee before going in for your exam.  Just sayin'.  (oh and my teeth were prefect!)
    • I'm now watching The Price is Right.  They had a YSL bag, glasses, wallet and key holder.  A girl bid $400.  I just shook my head.
    • I'm going to do a random favorites post and hopefully it will be ready for tomorrow.  
    • I realized yesterday that what I see in the mirror is probably not what is actually there.  Crazy enough, I think that I am seeing myself smaller than I actually am.  Last night, I saw some video from Christmas and HOLY SHIT! I look pregnant in some of those shots!  Note to self - kick it up a notch and get your ass in gear to lose the freakin weight and get your body back.

    Sunday, January 1, 2012

    Hello 2012


    2011 was a year of both wonderful things and frustrating things all at once.  I was hugely pregnant through the hottest summer on record.  I gave birth to my sweet angel boy.  B had so health issues to overcome (nothing serious, just frustrating things).  I lost my job and B got a big payday.  Through it all, the only thing that I think of when I think of 2011 is my sweet little boy. 

    GOALS for 2012:
    1. Lose the baby weight and get back into shape.  I have about 7 pounds left to go (my holiday sweets vice probably has not helped the process).  Before I got pregnant, I worked out at least 3 days a week, and that was on a really busy week.  I love to exercise and have just been lazy about it lately. No more!  Time to get healthy again.
    2. Find a new job.  For as much as I love staying home with LB, I miss working.  I really like to work and I like to have a sense of accomplishment.  Not that raising my boy isn't satisfying, I just miss working.
    3. Live in the moment.  I have a bad habit of wishing life away.  I am eager to see my boy grow, but I need to get better about living in the moment and soaking up every single second with LB.
    4. Make more time for B.  It is really easy to make LB our lives and not take the best care of each other.  It is now a priority to make B a priority again.
    5. Cook at least 3 nights a week.  It's hard for me and B to eat the same thing (I like lots of fish and cooked veggies, B does not like those things), but we do have a few dishes that we both like.  
    6. Keep my house clean.  B and I get pretty lazy on the cleaning sometimes.  While I am unemployed, I am going to make it a priority to get my house clean and the maintain.
    I am sure there are a lot more things I'd like to do in 2012, but those are what comes to mind off the top of my head.  I hope everyone had a wonderful NYE!
    Well I am sure that there are 

    Christmas Time is Here (well it was)

    Oh life, how you get away from me!  Christmas came and went and we had a really nice time.  B and I really enjoyed LB's first Christmas.  My family came to Tulsa this year and we got together with my mom's side of the family on Christmas day.  Well, the day started as most do, LB woke up around 6:30, which means I was up at 6:30.  My brother and mom were sleeping in the living room (on the couch and air mattress respectively), so LB and I snuck into the living room and laid down on the air mattress with Mom to wake her up.  Oh she loves her grandson.  Mom got up with me and we played with LB for a little while (Bro slept, like he always does).  And we also admired the Christmas tree and the presents under it.  We were awake for an hour and a half and then it was nap time for LB, which means it was shower time for me.  So, I hopped in the shower and got ready.  At this point everyone woke up and we had some bacon, eggs and rolls (Cinnamon and Orange) for breakfast.  Then we heard a little stirring from the baby and it was game on for opening gifts.
    Lucky for LB, we figured out how to get him to rip open his gifts because big, mean B said that he can't have gifts he couldn't open.  LB got lots of fun gifts.  He didn't have many toys or books, so he got a lot of those.  He got some sensory balls, teethers, stacking cups, a music table and various other toys. 

    B and I took care of each other, too.  B got me a spa package and a baby feet pendant.  I got him a gift certificate for his first ever massage (how the man is 31 and has never had a massage boggles my  mind) and some family photos for his office.  B and I got a new camcorder from my parents.  My parents also got me the Harry Potter box set.  Nerd? Yep, and totally cool with it.  The family pretty much got photos from us (that's all they wanted) and my brother got a lot of DVDs, including the Johnny Bravo first season.  You don't know what Johnny Bravo is?  Consider yourself lucky lol. Later, we headed over to my Aunt's house for family Christmas.  We did a gift exchange and B and I came out with wine, coffee, a mug and a nice fleece throw.  We called it a night after that because LB was getting fussy (and sleepy).  So we headed home, and got some stuff put away. 

    On Monday, the 26th, we headed up to Joplin to celebrate with my Dad's family.  This is the first time I've been able to get together with this side since 2007.  It was so nice to see all of my cousins and my dad's brothers and their wives.  B and I got a cookbook and gift card.  LB got a sock monkey (traditional first Christmas gift from my Grandma) and he LOVE it.  We had another gift exchange and B got a dart board (really?  and it's going where in our home?) and I got a bag of chocolates and a container of cashews.  My dad's side is interesting.  After that, we took some photos and headed back to Tulsa. 


    The next day we got LB's gift from my in-laws, a jumperoo and he loves that thing like crazy!  He will bounce around in it for HOURS!  My in-laws came up for the day on Friday and gave me a gift card and some pearl earrings and gave B some Under Armor cold-gear.  The other thing that we got was a bebePOD. It's like a bumbo, but with bigger leg openings and safety straps.  LB actually fits in it (and he does not fit in the bumbo). 

    I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas :)