Something I don't really talk about

**Ok, before I get into this, I have to mention that I am watching It's A Brad, Brad World and B just keeps giggling under his breath and just marveling at how "flamboyant" Brad and Gary are.**

OK, so here's what this is supposed to be about.  There has been a major change in my life in the last year.  It may seem like no big deal to some, but it was a big deal to me.  I was born and raised Catholic and B was born and raised Lutheran.  Now, that probably doesn't seem like a big difference to many, but it caused a pretty big divide in our family.  B wouldn't go to Church with me and didn't go on his own for the longest time.  I would go to Mass by myself and then end up mad when I would see other couples together and me alone.  I would come home and be inexplicably angry with him until the next day.  Needless to say, no one was happy on Sundays. 

Finally, one Sunday, I realized that what was bothering me is that we managed to be totally on the same page with everything in our marriage, except religion and it seemed to be pushing us apart.  So, I made a decision, we would go to each other's churches together and alternate.  And that was the plan.  Then we realized we did not want to continue to do this after we had kids.  He was pretty adamant that he Catholicism was not for him and I knew nothing different.  So I made him a deal, we could go to the Lutheran church for a few weeks and I can see if I miss Mass/am not getting enough out of Lutheran service.  Then, I got pregnant and everything got sped up.

Weeks turned into months and I hadn't gone to Mass.  All the while, my belly was getting bigger and bigger and I literally felt like a ticking time bomb before I had to make a decision.  I started meeting with the pastor and tried to figure things out.  Well, B went out of town for a buddy's bachelor party and I went to Mass.  I sat there feeling out of place and uncertain.  I felt as though I had no home.  I was lost and I needed direction.  It was hard for me to talk to B about all of this because he didn't seem to know what I was going through.  It was hard for me to talk to anyone about it because, in my heart, I was conflicted.  I was conflicted between my old and new families.  I was afraid to tell my family what I already knew, I was no longer going to attend Mass, but start going to the Lutheran Church with B.  One of my greatest childhood memories is of going to Midnight Mass with my Nana.  She was one of the most important people in my life and, for some reason, I felt like I was letting her down.  I felt like I was letting everyone in my family down. 

Eventually I told my mom my decision and she was ok with it.  Was she happy? No.  Did she feel as though she had failed somehow? Yes.  Did I feel as though I had let my family down? Yes.  Did I know that I was doing what was best for my family (Me, B and LB)? Yes.  And that was what mattered. 

So, the WHOLE point of all of this is that I learned that God never steers me wrong.  My life has always gone better when I am well connected to Him.  I am able to focus on what I know is the right path in my life.  I am again at a crossroads in my life, I am looking for a job and trusting that God will lead me in the right direction.