I'm getting together with Leslie over at A Blonde Ambition to share all of my confessions with yall again.
1) I now take the stairs to/from the pump room at work and now take each flight in different ways - 2 at a time, double time, side step, etc - to make it go faster and hit the legs differently.
2) I crave alfredo, but don't eat it.
3) I think I have PTSD re my last job. I get anxious over ridiculous things.
4) I want GCB to be on every single day. I also want to live GCB.
5) I have only worked out once in the last few weeks due to various things like packing (what's that?!?!). However, I DO take the stairs (see above). That counts, right?
6) I still don't love pumping, but I do it for little man.
7) I am ready for the end of April to be here (mmmm...curiouser and curiouser).
8) I am tired of my StL friends getting married hours away from my parents house. Mama wants to drink and doesn't want a DUI.
9) I gave birth, but cramps still stuck.
10) I am terrified of coming off as a weak link.
11) Eating out for breakfast is one of my favorite things ever.
I was reading over at Babble today and came across this "gem" of an article. There was a 1939 survey as to how good of a spouse you are. For each question, you earn demerits or merits and you come to an answer as to whether you are a good or bad spouse. The wife side is just as antiquated as the husband side.
Let's just say that I completely fail. I wear red nail polish and my house is not always picked up. I get annoyed about unexpected guests and I fail to darn socks. FAIL! However, I'm not sure B fares much better.
He doesn't give me an allowance OR turn over his paycheck (I guess this didn't take into consideration that I too work - NO EXCUSE!). He rarely compliments my housekeeping (but regularly compliments my looks - even when wearing red nail polish GASP!). He rarely helps with the dishes (but always with the boy). He praises his bachelor days, but I can't say he regrets marrying (in that same vein, I too praise my single days). He doesn't even leave me his car and he NEVER reads the newspaper, books or magazines aloud to me! Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure he gets a higher score than me, but I'm ok with that. I am pretty sure that I have a higher score on the Husband list than I do on the wife list.
I'm linking up over at A Blonde Ambition to tell you what I'm confessing this week.
~ I still like 90's-early 2000's R&B and Rap. We're talking Ying Yang Twins, Usher (see title), R. Kelly, Warren G, etc. I LOVE IT! It makes me want to get up and dance, shake it like a salt shaker or go relive my younger, carefree days.
~ When I buy something and don't want to admit that it's new, I tell B that I've had it for a little while. For example: These shoes that I got last weekend.
~ I still have 0 tolerance for alcohol. I get a nice little buzz going off of one glass of wine or one beer. I made a joke about it the last time we had people over to which someone said something along the lines of "Ya, but you're a girl." B's response was "No, she used to be able to drink."
~ We don't watch The Real World anymore, but B and I LOVE The Challenge. Have you seen it? It's seriously awesome! I can't help but root for CT and Diem.
~ My mom is coming to town next week and I am so excited!
~ While I've loved my pregnancy/nursing boobs, I'm not sure I will miss them when they go away. Frankly, I find that they get in the way some. I miss being able to wear a normal sports bra to work out. I still run into things with them because I don't clear things the way I used to. We'll see if I change my mind whenever I do stop nursing.
~ I am constantly on the hunt for the perfect under-eye concealer. I have a 6 month old. I have bags. I need concealer. I need concealer that doesn't crack or crease or cake. Any advice?
~ One reason I was excited to go back to work and get a paycheck? I got to start waxing again! When I was pregnant, I started waxing because I knew the day would come when I wouldn't be able to *ahem* see to take care of myself. I LOVED it, but when I got laid off I had to cut unnecessary expenses. Since I got a new job, I've started seeing Lina again and I am happy.
~ I bribed B to go to a wedding in StL with tickets to an event the night before. I see nothing wrong with that.
~ I laid in bed and let B Jr fuss last night until B finally got up. In my defense I had already been up with the baby at least twice - we had a rough night.
~ We've stopped fighting B Jr and let him sleep on his tummy. We would go in and roll him over for a few nights, but he would always end up on his tummy so finally we just gave up. He can lift his head. He's close to trying to crawl. We have the motion sensor. I think we're good.
~ I knew exactly what sports radio show the guys in my group were talking about today when the were laughing about the "That's not a good call" song.
~ I am confused by and judge what people wear to work. Leggings/Tights are not pants and should not be worn if your butt hangs out. I am uncomfortable if I think my slacks are a little tight on the bum. Also, satin and chiffon skirts/dresses have no business in the work place. This is especially true for animal print, faux satin and a length that barely passes mid-thigh.
~ I get kind of blogger silent when I am excited about something, but want to wait until everything is final to really get into it. Sidenote - I am NOT, repeat NOT, pregnant again.
~ My fitness goals are oddly motivate. While I do have a specific number in mind, my main motivations are (1) To look good at the 3 weddings I have in April and May and (2) to wear shorts this summer. I have two new pairs of wedges I am DYING to show off.
~ By 3 pm every single day I am ITCHING to cuddle my sweet baby.
~ I want a new phone. I'm not due for a new phone for another year, but I haven't liked my phone as much as I hoped I would. Plus, it has started randomly turning off/restarting and doesn't hold a charge too well.
~ I've given up on some of my reality shows. I stopped watching TM2 halfway through this season. Ditto to K&KTNY. I just couldn't take it anymore. I also just stopped watching RHATL. As much as I love me some NeNe, I just get bored while watching it so I'm done.
~ I consider having packages sent to the office or I only buy things when I can schedule them to arrive at the house when B isn't home/I beat him home. Crafty.
~ Much as we are working on B Jr's sleep, I am working on my sugar habit. I eat a couple of treats a day. I love sweets - especially baked goods!
Now, go link up with Shannon and let us know why you're saying "SO WHAT!"
I am tired. I mean, completely spent. My life has changed a lot in the last year and I am exhausted. I can barely keep my mind straight these days so we're going to bullet point this stuff.
LB isn't sleeping through the night. Sometimes he only wakes 1-2 times a night, but mostly it's 2-3 and sometimes even 4 times a night. I am exhausted and, with being back to work, I can't catch up during the day. B and I got into a habit of me waking up with LB in the night when I wasn't working. However, now I am working and guess who is still getting up? ME! B claims that he wakes every time the boy wakes, but he doesn't because he's always snoozing away when I come and go from the room.
I am tired of living with a partner only half of the time. Yes, I am very lucky to have my husband in this life. I am incredibly blessed with an amazing husband who is a wonderful father and loves me and LB very much. However, B has a year of school left so I am basically by myself half the week. I have so much respect for single parents and how they do it all.
I am tired of my best friends living so far away. They live in Michigan, Missouri, DC and Texas. Yes, I have lots of friends here, but I miss my besties so much.
I am tired of not having time for everything and everyone. I feel like things are always falling through the cracks. I just want my life to be orderly again and I fear that my life will never be orderly again.
I am tired of being overwhelmed. I am having trouble being in the moment and not letting everything hit me all at once. However, that is what is happening. Everything hits me all at once and I just have trouble dealing sometimes.
That leads to anxiety. I am tired of feeling anxious about everything. LB wants to sleep on his tummy these days and I am terrified about it. He's 6 months old (tomorrow, I'm waiting until after his dr appointment for his update), can move around, can roll over and doesn't seem to hate it, but I feel the need to roll him over.
I am tired of not being able to talk to B about work. We work for the same company now and I see so many of the things he has told me about in him. I can't talk to him about any frustration I have because I get no empathy of sympathy. All I get is "Don't show weakness" or "Ya, that's just how it is" or I start to feel like he devalues what I am doing because I am not on his side of the company. So, what do I do? I've stopped talking to him about work. I just can't deal with it right now.
Which leads me to why I am frustrated at work. I am frustrated that I am not getting things perfect. I am still learning the software and how to work it all. I haven't been taught everything and a lot of the things I haven't been taught are things that I think have become such second nature to people that it is just what they do, so you can't fault anyone for that. I also am unsure how comfortable to get with the software because it is going to be upgraded soon and things will change. I am really enjoying my job and any frustration I have is me and no one else. Not the work or the people, but my frustration with me not doing the job perfectly yet. That is hard for me to accept.
The plight of a parent is having to choose between what you want to do and what you should do. Sometimes I want to be selfish, but I can't. Sometimes I want to just plop on the couch and be lazy, but I need to go work out or take a shower or do some housework. Sometimes I just want to be alone or have some time to myself, but I can't. And that is ok. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love my husband and I love my son, but sometimes you just want some me time.
I am tired of forgetting everything and feeling inadequate and missing my family and friends. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to feel like myself again. Sometimes I wonder if I'm all of a sudden dealing with some postpartum depression. Sometimes I think I'm just having a bad day.
I am tired of feeling like a bad mom. LB has a rash all over his body. We've taken him to the doctor so many times and they keep telling us the same thing "It's dry skin. It's patchy and red and it's eczema. I know it is. That isn't the worst thing in the world. I have a little eczema on my arms. I'm hoping that maybe changing to a milder detergent and being extra careful to keep him all greased up. I love that little boy so much and I know that I do everything that I can to keep him healthy, but I just feel like I'm doing something bad or wrong or failing some how.
I am tired of feeling like I have no more to give anyone and that I can't give 100% to anyone. It hurts when I feel like that. I was always the do everything gal and now I feel like I'm always letting someone down. I can't conform to other people's plans anymore. I don't have the flexibility that I used to have anymore. That's ok. People have to understand. And if they don't, screw them.
~ I tune out B when he starts talking about soccer. I'm not sure if he knows that my general, passive grunts mean that I'm not listening or if he just doesn't care, but it works for us. It also helps when I give little laughs and glance over at him from time to time. "MMhmmm" also helps.
~ I have a tremendous need for the people at work to like me. I really disliked most of the people with whom I worked at the firm so I really want to get along with these folks. Plus, they seem pretty nice.
~ There is less greater thrill in my life than making my boy laugh. I will do all sorts of ridiculous things.
~ My friend told me to look for boxes (more on that later) on "CL" and my response was "Columbia Liquor?" Her answer was "Craigslist." Fail or awesome?
~ Since starting work, my DVR has gotten so backed up with my stuff because I am exhausted all the time and B hogs the remote.
~ B and I haven't been on a date since before LB was born. While that may seem awful to some, we aren't really going out people anyway. HOWEVER, we have 2 dates planned in April: A wedding in StL and a wedding in T-Town the next weekend. I am excited about that.
~ I'm not sure why we have to do a parent teacher conference with our 6 month old. We have one on Friday and, frankly, it seems a bit ridiculous.
~ I giggle to myself when a work-inappropriate song comes on my iPod while, well, at work. It makes me giggle and I pretty much love it. Some favorites from this week: Back That Ass Up, Forgot About Dre, Me and Mr. Jones, What's It Gonna Be, Big Pimpin'
Go link up with the fabulous Miss Shannon over at Life After I Dew :)
~ Have you tried Revlon's Lip Butter? No? Well why not?!?! It is some fab stuff :) The texture of these little gems is so, well, buttery! They go on smooth and and the color is GREAT! Long wearing? Not so much, but they feel so great on my lips and that means a LOT to me! I have 4 of them. I have the following colors: Peach Parfait, Cotton Candy, Red Velvet and Berry Smoothie.
Emma here is wearing Peach Parfait, but it is a lot less orangey on me. However, I have pretty rosey lips normally.
~ I am really enjoying my new job. It is different from what I've been doing, but I am enjoying it. There are a lot of perks to this position that I NEVER would have gotten before. I am so happy to have been given this opportunity!
~ Wine. I missed wine when I was pregnant. In fact, in a cruel twist of irony, I craved wine for a couple of weeks when I was pregnant. Now, I'm back on the vino. Tonight's choice, Bogle Chardonnay.
~ Do you people like Ricky Gervais? How can you not love Ricky? He has yet to produce a show that B and I don't die over. He currently has two shows that we are love, love, LOVING! So, Ricky and his partner, Stephen, send their buddy, Karl, to do things that would be on a bucket list. Holy Hilarious! For example, they sent Karl to Uganda to see the gorillas in their natural habitat...really, this clip can show it better than anything else.
Seriously, if you have the Science Channel you NEED to check this out. They are in the second season and it is great.
The other show that is great is on HBO and is called "Life's Too Short." It stars Warwick Davis. Have you seen Willow? Like the movie? Well he was Willow. Well it's pretty hilarious. Again, a clip shows it better than I could ever describe.
~ Something I am not loving as much these days, sleep deprivation and sleep training. I hate having B Jr cry, but I am so damn tired. I mean (bad mom alert), there have been nights when I have slept through the fussing until he was throwing a total fit before it woke me up.
~ And more than anything, I am loving this little angel faced baby.
I mean seriously? Does it get much sweeter than that? Look at those half sleeping "I just woke up, Mama" eyes! Oh I just die over that sweet little man.
