It's confession time

Link up with the adorable Leslie over at A Blonde Ambition and tell us your confessions.

1)  I just ate 2 grilled cheese sandwiches.  I just shoved them in my mouth all at once (not really, but the Legally Blonde reference was worth it). 

2)  I am super excited to start work on Monday, but am really enjoying spending time with the little man today.  However, it is clear that being a stay at home mom is not for me. 

3)  I have a stack of partially read books in the bathroom.

4)  An Allure magazine showed up in my mail box today.  I have no idea where it came from or how I ended up with a subscription, but I'm not complaining. 

5)  I asked for a simple point and shoot camera for Christmas 2010.  I found out I was pregnant two days before that Christmas.  Now I wish I had a fancier camera, but feel awkward asking for another one.

6)  I risked waking my son so I could use the flash to take a photo of him asleep.  It's adorable and totally worth the risk of waking him.

7)  I love the way my guy cuts and colors my hair, but I hate the way he styles it.

8)  When LB wakes up in the middle of the night, I sometimes fall asleep and he ends up crying for a little while before it wakes me back up.  Sorry buddy!

9)  At other times when he wakes up, I find myself laying in bed saying "Maybe if I pretend I didn't hear him, he will just go back to sleep."  That rarely happens.

10)  I am excited about my new job for many reasons, one of which is I won't feel guilty about shopping anymore. 

Back in Action

Well, that was faster than I expected.  Last Wednesday, I interviewed for a position at an oil and gas company in town.  Yesterday, I got a call and was offered the job.  I am really excited to start working again and it doesn't hurt that this position came with a nice bump in salary from what I was making at the firm and has a lot of room to advance.  WHEW!  I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am eager to get back in the action of work. 
I will miss things though.  I will miss being able to go feed LB at lunch (now I'm not sure if I will be able to do that or not, but I have a feeling that I won't be able to).  I will miss being able to spend the day with LB any time that I want.  However, it will just make everything else we do together that much more special (I keep telling myself that).  Anyway, I am now back in action and will be blogging away.

A Little Break

Hey guys!  I'm going on away for a minute. I'm looking for a new job and just think it's best.  Don't you worry though, I stock pile posts because I am sure great things will be happening (including that awesome little guy who is regularly belly laughing these days).

My Favorite Part of Lazy Weekends

My favorites :)

These two guys are my world. 

The Hanging Chad

OK, who wasn't sick of hearing about those damn "hanging chads" a few years ago?  I know I was.  Don't worry, this isn't going to be a political post or anything like that.  What this is; however, is a post about me and who I am today.

Growing up and in high school, I had a very cavalier, screw you, attitude.  I was confident and strong and not afraid to take on anyone or anything.  Ya, I had my problems (and plenty of them), but I was ready to take on the world.  Then I went to college and met him.

I dated a him off and on for three years and he broke me.  Have you ever heard the song "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles?  The lyrics say "You loved me cause I'm fragile when I thought I was strong. But you touch me for a little while, and all my fragile strength is gone."  And that is how it was.  I was strong when I was away from him, but he was always just around the corner to bring my back down.  At first, I was so in love with him, and then I was afraid to be without him, and then it got to the point where I didn't think I was worthy of anyone else but did want to be alone.



I was with him until the day before I met B.  That was the day that I found another girl's things in his apartment.  I broke that day.  Shattered.  I realized that I was not the person I wanted to be and that I needed to be me and that I needed to be away from him, forever.

A lot of that changed when I met B.  He came in and was like some super glue putting me back together.  He knew all of the baggage that I carried.  He knew all of my trust issues and fears and still decided that he wanted to be with me and keep me and help me with all of my issues.

That was 5.5 years ago and some days I still have moments.  That's when I feel like the hanging chad.  I feel like I am so strong and happy and then I have a day and I feel like all of me is put back together except for the hanging chad.  I admit that I am a jealous person.  Umm, have you seen B?  You'd be jealous too.  I look at that man and all of the wonderful things that he is and does and I can't help but think that someone wouldn't want to be with him.  I hate that I sometimes feel like he has some pull over me, but he changed me and I hate him for that.  But I love B for always having patience with me and putting up with all of my crazy and all of my "chad" days.

4 Months Old

Baby boy, where did the time go?  You are just the light of Mama and Daddy's lives.  Every day you do something new that makes us smile and we just love you so much.  We've had a couple of bumps in the road in the last month, but they are nothing out of the norm.  We love you so much!

BABY STATS

Sleep:  You are still going to sleep between 7:30 and 8:00 and getting up around 6:30 or 7:00.  You are still getting up about twice a night and we were working with you on getting to sleep on your own after you wake up.  However, you are sick again (just a little cold this time) so I'm back to kind of comforting you when you need/want it.  The "sleep training" (for lack of a better term) will resume after you feel better.  Also, you're teething and Dr. Le told us that we may just be stuck with night wakings for a little while.

Routine:  Nothing has really changed.  You've started going to daycare again (even though Mama doesn't have a job yet we didn't want to lose our spot for when I go do back to work), and you're having a little trouble adjusting again, but you're starting to like it (we had a short week last week after you got sick).  Still eating every 2.5-3 hours and taking 2-3 naps per day.  We bathe you every other day and you absolutely LOVE bath time.

Feed: You LOVE your food.  LOVE LOVE LOVE!  You eat every 2.5-3 hours and boy you are efficient.  You have started fighting the bottle lately and we are NOT happy about that, but we're working on it. 

Weight:  You weighed 6 lb 15 oz when you were born. Now you are 20 pounds! You are the size of some year old babies.  You are wearing 6-9 month clothes, and some 3-6 (particularly in pants and a few onesies).  Sweetheart, you are off the charts in your weight.

Length: When you were born, you were 19.5 inches. Now you are probably close to 26.25 inches.  That is the 83%.  You're a giant baby!

Diaper Size: We are in size 3s and starting to fill them out. 

Clothes Size:  You are wearing 6-9 month clothes and some 3-6 (only a couple onesies and a few pairs of pants).

Hair Color:  Your hair changes color depending on the light.  Sometimes it's very blonde, sometimes it's light brown and sometimes it looks a little red.  Your mullet is still going strong and dark.

Eye Color:  As your jealous daddy says, you have "hideous" blue eyes.  He's just bitter that your eyes aren't brown.  From the moment I knew you were coming, I knew we'd have a beautiful blue eyed baby. 

Funniest Moment:  You gave us your first belly laughs and oh they just melted Mama's heart.    

Favorite Toy:  Grandma and Granddaddy Phillips got you a Jumperoo for Christmas and oh you love to just "bounce bounce bounce."   

Firsts: CHRISTMAS - we had so much fun with you, Sitting up (not for long, but definitely doing it), Trip to St. Louis - met your first dog, hung out with Nana and Grandpa and met some of Mama's friends, Being in the stroller without the infant carrier - you weren't such a fan, First indication that you're teething because you definitely are.

We love you so much sweetheart.  Thank you for being the most wonderful thing in Mama and Daddy's lives.  You are so precious and never fail to bring a smile to our faces.  Love you!

Something I don't really talk about

**Ok, before I get into this, I have to mention that I am watching It's A Brad, Brad World and B just keeps giggling under his breath and just marveling at how "flamboyant" Brad and Gary are.**

OK, so here's what this is supposed to be about.  There has been a major change in my life in the last year.  It may seem like no big deal to some, but it was a big deal to me.  I was born and raised Catholic and B was born and raised Lutheran.  Now, that probably doesn't seem like a big difference to many, but it caused a pretty big divide in our family.  B wouldn't go to Church with me and didn't go on his own for the longest time.  I would go to Mass by myself and then end up mad when I would see other couples together and me alone.  I would come home and be inexplicably angry with him until the next day.  Needless to say, no one was happy on Sundays. 

Finally, one Sunday, I realized that what was bothering me is that we managed to be totally on the same page with everything in our marriage, except religion and it seemed to be pushing us apart.  So, I made a decision, we would go to each other's churches together and alternate.  And that was the plan.  Then we realized we did not want to continue to do this after we had kids.  He was pretty adamant that he Catholicism was not for him and I knew nothing different.  So I made him a deal, we could go to the Lutheran church for a few weeks and I can see if I miss Mass/am not getting enough out of Lutheran service.  Then, I got pregnant and everything got sped up.

Weeks turned into months and I hadn't gone to Mass.  All the while, my belly was getting bigger and bigger and I literally felt like a ticking time bomb before I had to make a decision.  I started meeting with the pastor and tried to figure things out.  Well, B went out of town for a buddy's bachelor party and I went to Mass.  I sat there feeling out of place and uncertain.  I felt as though I had no home.  I was lost and I needed direction.  It was hard for me to talk to B about all of this because he didn't seem to know what I was going through.  It was hard for me to talk to anyone about it because, in my heart, I was conflicted.  I was conflicted between my old and new families.  I was afraid to tell my family what I already knew, I was no longer going to attend Mass, but start going to the Lutheran Church with B.  One of my greatest childhood memories is of going to Midnight Mass with my Nana.  She was one of the most important people in my life and, for some reason, I felt like I was letting her down.  I felt like I was letting everyone in my family down. 

Eventually I told my mom my decision and she was ok with it.  Was she happy? No.  Did she feel as though she had failed somehow? Yes.  Did I feel as though I had let my family down? Yes.  Did I know that I was doing what was best for my family (Me, B and LB)? Yes.  And that was what mattered. 

So, the WHOLE point of all of this is that I learned that God never steers me wrong.  My life has always gone better when I am well connected to Him.  I am able to focus on what I know is the right path in my life.  I am again at a crossroads in my life, I am looking for a job and trusting that God will lead me in the right direction.